


Eat.

by JeanValJean



Series: The Making of Us [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Bulimia, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 13:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4962727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanValJean/pseuds/JeanValJean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Smiling, laughing, beautiful, seemingly happy Sasha Braus would rather go hungry than eat a damn thing, but not just anyone can pick up on that. </p><p>--<br/>Springles backstory of 'All That I Am.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Song/s:  
> Skinny - Edith Blacklund

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I don't promote the romanticism of anything related to mental health. These stories are all for the purpose of emotional release, and that is all.  
> Please keep the warnings in mind as you read, and dont ever be afraid to seek help for issues such as mental health and body image.  
> Stay safe. x

Houston, Texas. Circia 2012.  
Sasha Braus, 18 Years Old.  
Diagnosis: Bulimia  
___

In the backstreets of Houston, in a small town called Dauper, a man and his daughter once served the finest and freshest butchery meats in all of Texas. In the lone star state, they were in a lone star business - but God did that town eat a lot of meat. It's a good thing, too, because the Braus' _sold_ a lot of meat.

"Thanks sir, have a nice day!" Called the cheery voice belonging to Sasha Braus, waving a customer out of the door and into the hot summer streets. She wiped a bead of sweat from her brow and contemplated running upstairs to change into a pair of shorts. She quickly reconsidered, catching a glimpse of herself in the window on the door. She's fine in leggings. They might even be accentuating her figure?

No, they're not. Why would she even think they were? God, the heat must be getting to her, to think something as conceited and completely untrue as that.

Her father came through the very same door not a moment later, carrying two bulky boxes of freshly delivered beef. "Sash, would'ya mind gettin' the freezer door for me?" He exasperates. "Don't think I can manage with my arms full!"

"Sure thing, daddy." She skipped over to the freezer door and held it open for her father to gently stack the boxes of meat. He thanks her breathily, leaning against the doorframe to dry his dripping forehead.

"Hot one out there, ain't it?" He chuckles. "Wish yer momma were here to enjoy it with us... She loved this weather, always wearing her pretty dresses and such..."

Sasha purses her lips, lowering her eyebrows enough to catch her fathers eye. "Pa...-"

Jerry sighs, wiping his forehead again to stop a drip of sweat rolling down his nose. "I know, I know... Anyway, let's shut up shop early and head on down to the fairgrounds. They're throwing a barbecue for Mr Carolina's promotion, and we only got a half hour to get ready."

Jerry Braus was a plump, balding man, who often wore a white singlet that showed his sweat patches, accumulated over a days work, and three-quarter length flare jeans. He had a large rose tattooed on his left shoulder, displaying the names of his late wife and son, and his daughter, Sasha.

Sasha Braus was a tall, thin girl, with thin brunette hair and bright, brown eyes. As the spitting image of her mother, Jerry did everything he could to keep her safe. He was never a sheltering father, letting Sasha live her life without feeling confined, but he was always cautious that she was doing well in her life.

But Sasha knew that no matter how much he cared, he always overlooked the small things. And that was something she'd always been thankful for.

"But daddy, do we _have_ to go? Y'know... They don't buy their meat from us- it'd be like mutiny!" Sasha says, lightheartedly chuckling at her own words. Her dad shakes his head with a laugh, then sends her up to get changed for the party. She goes without further complaint, taking the stairs at the back of the shop up into their house and down the corridor to her bedroom.

Wrappers and empty energy drink cans littered her bedroom floor, along with piles upon piles of clothes she's only ever worn once; when she'd tried them on, months or even years ago, they didn't do her justice. 

There's something about the way she saw herself in the mirror - in all forms of reflective glass, really. It's the way her thighs rubbed against each other in her pants, or beneath her skirts, causing severe chaffing and pain. The way her back fat increased tenfold when she put on a bra, and how a bra alone could make her figure distort to planetary proportions, depending on what she wore. Or maybe that's just how she always looks.

She's positive that's how she always looks.

Her legs are covered with cellulite, and they're chubby; full of fat, porky like the lifeless pork hanging in the freezer back at the shop. Her stomach pokes out over the waist of her pants, and she doesn't dare put on a skirt out of fear of catching that hideous sight with her own two eyes. Or having others enduring that same disgusting view she has to see naked.

Hanging out with Mina means having to spend three or more hours with a girl who has the nicest, thinnest figure she's ever seen - and her peppy, skinny, pretty friends. Her breasts don't distort the way her clothes fit her, her thighs don't touch, her hair is perfect and thick. She's perfect, and Sasha is just plain gross.

Mina Carolina is the daughter of a real estate manager and a professional dancer; she works alongside her mom on weekdays and on weekends she teaches judo to children down the road. Sasha is the daughter of a butcher, and that's her job. It shows, too. No daughter of a dancer would look as hefty and disgusting as she does.

Hanging out with Mina and her friends means having to face the harsh reality she faces every other day within herself. She's not sure she can handle it.

She tried to fake sickness, trying to persuade her dad to let her stay home, but he wouldn't buy it. 'You always love it after you get there,' he'd said. 'You know you're just a little anxious because you haven't seen her all summer. You're a kind girl, and you make friends just by smilin'! You'll be fine, I promise.' Jerry had thrown his daughter a cheesy, hopeful grin, so she inwardly sighed and returned it with a breath. 

'Okay, Pa.'

Once again, she stood in front of her mirror, standing sideways to it. She lifted her shirt up to rest it on her breasts, then her hands found her stomach and she nearly choked. She hated herself. Sasha sucked in her stomach, and turned from side to side, pointing out her flaws. Her thick thighs, her fat stomach, her thin hair. It wouldn't matter how thin her hair was if she was thin, would it? No, of course not. She'd be beautiful. Better than the beached whale she's looking at in the mirror.

She blinked back her tears and pulled her shirt down a few times, then readjusted her bra to come over her rolls of back fat. Surely there's something she can wear that might make her look halfway thin.

She found a strapless dress that fits her chest and flows out from the waist down. She left her hair down, refreshed her makeup, and dared to look at herself in the mirror again. Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't look half bad? Of course, she knows what's truly beneath the fabric of her clothes, but maybe what she's wearing will fool others? She hoped so.

"Look at you, so beautiful, my little girl," Her dad chided as she met him by their front door.

 _Yeah right_ , she thought to herself. _You have to say that because you're my father. Why lie to your own child?_

"Thanks, daddy," She replied cheerfully, picking up her small handbag, with the tag still left on, from the coatrack. "Shall we be heading of of then?"

True to Texan stereotypes, they both climbed into Jerry's pickup truck and pulled out onto the dusty main road. It was a half hour to the fairgrounds, plus time to find cheap parking, so Sasha turned up the radio and hummed along, staring out the window. She caught glimpses of herself in the reflection every now and then, reminding herself to lift her eyebrows, pull in her double chin, and bite the insides of her cheeks. After all, no pain no gain. She has to put in 100% to look 100%.

They arrived at the fairgrounds a little after 5:30pm, and found a park pretty quickly. Sasha liked how kind people were in their little town, always offering directions or letting you keep more than five items on hold at the checkout if you left your purse at home. God how many times that had been a helpful hand for her.

They parked the truck and headed off towards the main entrance, payed the entrance fee and breathed a sigh of relief when Jerry's credit card didn't decline.

The Carolina's had set up their BBQ in the centre of the grass field, and they attracted a lot of attention with it too. Sasha thought that it was just because of how pretty Mina looked with her tanned legs and slim waist. At least, most of the male attention and a few glances from females would be directed at her.

"Sasha! Daddy, the Braus' are here!" Mina had cried out, running over to Sasha to embrace her in a tight hug. Sasha had returned it lightly, not wanting to crush Mina with her hefty, meaty arms. "It's been so long, come on and sit down, me and the girls are talking about where we wanna head off to later."

Sasha nodded, "Ah, sure thing." She wasn't so sure she wanted to head off with them later. Alone with five of Houston's prettiest girls? She'd be a laughing stock. She'd be turned into an Internet joke or a chain letter curse, given her size compared to theirs. Nobody wants that...

Jerry went over to greet Mr and Mrs Carolina, who were more than happy to see the Braus' at their get together, as Sasha sat over with Mina and her friends.

"Jerry, it's so great to see you!" Mrs Carolina jeered, embracing the man. He had dressed up in a grey suit, slightly too small for him, with a bright bow tie. Sasha thought he looked like a chubby, red-faced penguin. But he wore his head high and smiled, greeting everyone as though they were equals.

He and Sasha both knew they were not. Especially compared to the Carolina's.

"It's great to see you too Julie," He smiled, turning to shake Mr Carolina's hand. "How's it been, Paul?"

Paul Carolina turned his nose up at Jerry, but the corners of his lips had curled into a small greeting smile. "Good, thank you. Nice of you to close up the shop to join us, must be busy this time of year surely?"

Jerry rubbed at his neck shyly, knowing full well what Paul was insinuating. "Yeah, sure is, a lot more customers than the rest of the year!"

Sasha glances over at her father briefly and felt her heart sink. She knew how much he tried to make a good impression on others, but he was nearly two heads shorter than Mrs Carolina, and about doubler the size of Mr Carolina.

He was a big fish in a small pond, out here. They both were.

Mina cheered along with her friends, which had snapped Sasha back to the present. "C'mon Sash, we're gonna head over to the bar and grab a few drinks, you keen? Don't wanna hang around with the oldies for too long!"

Sasha didn't want to, but she guessed she had no choice. "Sure, let's do it!" She had tried to sound enthusiastic, but she knew it didn't come off that way. Mina and her friends all ran off together, three of them dragging Sasha along. She'd wondered how on earth they managed to pull her with them, but remembered that there were three of them doing it.

"Mama, daddy, can me and the girls head down to the bar? It's near the Ferris wheel, across the fairgrounds. We'll be responsible, and I got my phone with me," Mina pleaded, using her large eyes to con her parents into letting them go.

Mrs Carolina 'umm-ed' and 'ahh-ed,' but Mr Carolina agreed to it quickly, telling them they could all go off and have fun, but to be back by 9pm. Mina and the girls, excluding Sasha, squealed and giggled, thanking him with hilarity. Sasha said a polite 'thank you' after the others were done squealing, but Mr Carolina barely took notice of her.

Sasha gave her father one last pleading look, trying to get him to let her go home, but he was already dragged back into their conversation, and she had been carted off with the skinny ones once more.

Mrs Carolina smiled as the girls jogged off after each other in their dresses and mini-heals, proud that her Mina was one of them. But something had been eating at her for a long time, so she just had to ask. "Jerry ah- I'm not sure how to say this but... Isn't your daughter a bit- a bit too...-"

"Thin?" He father asked, as Mrs Carolina looked out just as the girls had turned the corner. "I know she is. She's been eating fine, more than usual probably, and she's always bright and bubbly. If there's anything wrong I... I'm just not sure what to do about it."

**-x-**

"C'mon, let's go over to this one. There's a group of real cute guys hanging out by the taps," One of Mina's friends cooed. "You coming Sash?"

Sasha's mind had been flooded with images of her big, fat body eating with her friends. Bar means food too, and she knows that alcohol and food won't mix well. She'd vomit it all up, but she hasn't done that since last night... She eyed the portable toilets, and then nodded to her friends. "I'll be back, I'm just goin' to the loo. I'll catch up with ya'll in a bit."

She rushed off to the toilets, one hand rummaged through her purse until it gripped a smooth, elongated surface. She was glad she remembered to bring that toothbrush. She always had a hard time vomiting, as her gag reflex wasn't all that good. So, she'd kept her toothbrush with her at all times in case of emergency public eating. She'd always just binged and purged at home, where she could binge for hours and purge it all for however long it took.

But here, she had to make it fast before someone suspected her.

She entered the porta-potty and faced the bowl, cringing at the stench whilst taking out her toothbrush. She didn't stop to think; she didn't need to. Months of doing this to herself had taught her well, so she knew exactly where to press the toothbrush to activate her gag reflex, and then it was all over. She purged most of the contents of her stomach; wherever she hadn't purged since the previous night, which was little more than half a sandwich and a nut bar.

Someone knocked on the door, asking if she was alright. She must've been louder that time. She called out a, "Yes, I'm fine!" and flushed the toilet, before washing her hands and leaving. She didn't dare look at the person, preferring to just continue on towards the bars and find Mina without any troubles.

She searching high and low around the Barstow for her friends, but she didn't find them. No one answered their texts, or phone calls either. She noticed that the group of guys who were hanging around the bar earlier were also nowhere in sight.

 _Figures_ , she'd thought. _This always happens when I'm gone_. _I knew I should've come, these things always lead to disappointment_. She shuffled over to the bar and took up a stool, taking off her heels to let her aching feet rest. How those shoes withstood her weight she'd never know. She sighed, looking out at the fairgrounds, surrounded by the soft music of the radio and the mumbled chatter of the public.

"Hey!" Someone called out from behind her, causing her to jump slightly. She turned around in her stool to see a young, dark skinned man with a buzz cut, jogging over to her. _Great_ , she thought. _Is this where the fat-jokes come in? It's not even that late yet._

"I, uh, don't know if you want it anymore, but you left your toothbrush back there," He said, out of breath, pointing back to the toilets. Sasha's stomach flipped, and her face became heated.

"Oh, ah n-no, no I don't need it anymore, it's an old one anyway, I-"

"Relax," The guy chuckled. "It happens to all of us. One of them chilli dogs and I'm racing around to find a mint or something too! It's actually a good idea, I think. You never know when you'll need it, right?"

She had relaxed at that, her lips turning into a genuine smile. "You're not wrong, Texan food does that to you... Especially fair food."

The man smiles brightly, before offering his hand out to Sasha for her to shake. "I'm Connie Springer, from Ragako, New Orleans."

Sasha took his hand and shook it gingerly. "Sasha Braus, from... Dauper, Texas."

"Sasha... What a pretty name. It suits you, too. You look like a Sasha," He started, leaning against the bar. "My folks always said I look more like a Bill than a Connie. What do you think?" He started to pull a few faces, before striking poses that attracted various looks and comments from people passing by.

Sasha started to laugh as his ridiculous faces. "S-Stop aha, you don't look like a B-Bill hah," She manages through fits of laughter. She wiped a small tear from her eye as he leant up against the bar again. "You do look like a Connie, I think."

He smiles brightly again. "Well, I'm glad you think so."

Connie walked over to put Sasha's toothbrush in the bin, and she'd thought he'd leave her to join whoever he was with, but he didn't. Instead, he came straight back and took up the stool beside her. "Hope you don't mind, it seems my friends have all ditched me."

Sasha swivelled on her stool, turning to face the bar with Connie. "By any chance, were your friends being chatted up by a group of young, skinny girls?" She asked.

He raised his eyebrows. "They sure were. I'm guessing you've been ditched too, huh?"

Sasha sighed through her nose. "Mm-hmm."

Connie ordered two vodka and tonics, and a bag of peanuts. The bartender placed a drink in front of Sasha, but before she had the chance to protest, Connie told her it was on him. She thanked him, almost shyly, and drank it. She regretted it for a few moments, but having Connie simply talking to her took her mind off of the mass number of calories it could have in it.

However, not even he could convince her to have any nuts. The incessant growling in her stomach became progressively louder, but once she had denied her hunger, Connie didn't press any further. Instead, they laughed and joked for what seemed like only a few minutes. It wasn't until Sasha's father came wobbling over that she realised it had been over a few hours since the others had returned to the BBQ. It was just past 11 o'clock. Time sure does pass when you're having fun...

"Daddy, I'm so sorry! I lost track of the time!" Sasha said, surprised at how quickly she had forgotten the reason she was there in the first place. She hadn't checked her phone once.

"It's fine, I'm just glad you're alright. The girls came back and told us you were in the bathroom, and then you wanted to drink a little with some guys," Jerry said in disbelief. "Honey, you know that's not safe. Those girls shouldn't've left you, but I didn't think you'd go as far as to-"

Connie coughed, standing from his stool to his presence more known to Sasha's father. "Mr Braus, I'm sorry but those girls were lying to you."

"Excuse me?" Jerry said, stepping back to eye Connie.

"Your daughter came out of the bathroom and they'd left her, just like my friends left me when I went to the bathroom. I only happened to meet her because she'd dropped something and I returned it."

Sasha inwardly sighed. _Thank you, Connie Springer, for not telling him what I dropped_. Her father's expression softened, and it was clear he was impressed by Sasha's choice of company. "Sasha, is this boy telling the truth?"

Sasha nodded. "He is. I couldn't believe they'd left me, but we got so caught up in conversation I forgot all about the BBQ."

Jerry sighed with a smile on his plump face. "I am so glad I can trust you. I knew you wouldn't go off with a group of boys. But we'd better be heading off, everyone's nearly left by now."

"Alright, I'll have to apologise for any trouble, but not tonight." She turned back to Connie, taking his hands in hers. "Thank you for keeping me company, I hope you can find your way back to your friends safely."

He placed his hands atop of hers, causing her to blush slightly. "I'd be happy to keep you company everyday of the week." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pencil, then lifted the forgotten price tag on Sasha's bag. "You have a nice night now, the both of you. It was nice meeting you."

Sasha stared in disbelief at the number scrawled on the tag of her purse, and only managed a slight wave before Connie jogged off out into the fair. "Everything alright Sash? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Jerry asked, placing a hand on his daughters boney back to push her along.

"Not at all, pa. He's the nicest fella I've ever come across."

 

* * *

 

Sasha had purged the last of that days' contents around 3am. Her father had stayed up to watch the football, so she couldn't go to the bathroom at all. She exercised in her room until he went to bed, and then sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, using only her fingers to relieve herself.

 _Where did I go wrong?_ She thought to herself, after washing her mouth out and staring at herself in the mirror. _When did I become so fat?_

Sasha ate a lot as a child, because her mom made the best food this side of Houston. After she died, Sasha comforted herself with food, and it was downhill spiral from there. She looked at her dad day in and day out, sweating like a pig with his pork belly and chubby face. She didn't want to look like him, at all.

It began with keeping a diary of everything she ate and all the calories it held. She'd started limiting herself to 1,000 calories a day, but that was too much, according to a pro-ana blog she followed.

Soon, it became 100 calories a day, and after that, as close to zero as possible.

When she finished up in the bathroom, she tiptoed back to her room and went to bed, but she never did shake the bubbly feeling in her stomach that wasn't from purging. It was from Connie, the guy at the fair, who payed more attention to her than anyone besides her parents did in her entire life.

It was over two weeks ago that he'd given her his number, and she still hadn't called it. She hoped he wasn't too disappointed, but he shouldn't be too hurt. She's a horrible looking girl, and he'd been drunk, obviously.

Although she could've sworn he had stars in his eyes. It must have been something other than her. She was fat and grotesque, and her hair was thin and her nose didn't point up and wasn't smooth, it had a bump at the top that nearly hooked it. Her ass was huge and her head was too small for her body and her breasts were way too big to be comfortable.

No matter how happy she felt, her own insecurity always ruined it for her. But they didn't take away the phone number written on the tag on her handbag.

Sasha woke up the next with a tight feeling in her gut, one that told her she should probably just stay in bed. But, she didn't. She dragged herself downstairs, in her pyjamas, to see of her dad had opened the shop. He had, but he hadn't woken her up.

"Pa?" She asked, rubbing at her tired eyes.

Her father turned around with a smile on his face. "Mornin' Sash, how ya feeling today?" He'd asked.

She was confused at how cheerful he appeared. Usually, the thought of work made him sigh and pout. "I'm... Fine. Uh, Pa, why're we open so early?"

"Well now, nothin' like a little early start now is there?"

Something was up, and she knew it. And then, the clutter of three of four boxes had made her jolt. "Mr Braus, where do you want these boxes? They're the ones with the fish on 'em!"

Sasha knew that voice. _Connie Springer_. "Daddy, what's he doin' here?" She asked, pulling nervously at her pyjama top. She always looked hideous in her pyjamas, she had to get out of there before he-

"Sasha, you're up!" Connie cheered, smiling brightly as he set down the three crates he'd dropped. "I just got myself a job here. Uh- are you feeling okay?"

Sasha had gone pale, and she felt as though she would throw up. Her legs were on show, her arms were flabby in that shirt, and her hair wasn't even brushed. She was so, so stupid to come downstairs without getting changed first. "Y-Yeah, yeah I'm fine," She breathed, leaning against the door frame. She hoped it would hide at least some of her fat. "Why'd you get a job here?"

"Well, young Mr Springer here was walkin' by and noticed me fixing some stuff up out back. He offered to help and I offered him a job! Ain't that just tricky the way this big old world works, hm?" Her dad chuckled. Sasha nodded quickly, and it's a good thing she was leaning against the doorframe, because she was lightheaded from her early-morning purge. She hadn't eaten that much yesterday, so she felt sick.

"Why don't you go and get changed, then you and Connie here can go pick up a few things for me from the markets. 'S that alright with you?" Jerry asks her, clearly only wanting one answer.

"I-... Sure, give me a few minutes."

Sasha wobbled back up the stairs into their house, trying to find some clothes that might make her look halfway decent. Walking around town with Connie... She didn't want him to be embarrassed by her size and looks. Such an attractive guy wouldn't want to be seen with a whale like her, especially if he sees someone he knows.

 _Maybe he's got a girlfriend..._? She'd be horrified if she saw him with someone like Sasha, surely.

She eventually decided on abother sleeveless dress, one that would flow out from the chest to make her waist appear thinner. She'd bought it back in her thin days, and it managed to fit her still, so she took that as a good sign. It might not look as good, but at least it still fit her.

Maybe she had lost a bit of weight after her purge that morning? She highly doubted it, but maybe, just maybe...

"Sasha! You ready? Can't keep Mr Springer here wait in' for you to get all dolled up!" Her father called out to her, with a chuckle in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll be there soon!" She replied, hurrying to find her makeup. She never went anywhere without makeup. Of course, makeup didn't hide her cellulite or fat stomach, but she thought that at least if she tried to look nice, maybe she might actually look nice in someone else's eyes, even just once.

Sasha rushed down the stars, nearly tripping over her own feet, and met Connie by the front door. Her wore a cheesy grin similar to her father's, and she almost wanted to scold him for it. _Could she? They didn't know each other at all... In fact, why would her father even let her go off with some stranger?_

"Alright, I've given Connie the list so take as much time as you need, I just need ya'll back here before noon, is that okay?" Jerry asks, setting out the freshly cut cold meats.

"Yeah, that's fine," Sasha said, and then they were off. Sasha had to lead Connie through the streets of Dauper, as he'd never been there before. She wondered how he made it to their butchery without getting lost, but tried to not dwell on it too much.

"You look really nice today," Connie remarked, smiling as he looked Sasha up and down at the traffic lights.

Her eyes widened, but she tried to hide her surprise. "R-Really?" She asked him, as the green walk signal started to flash.

"Really. That colour suits you," He smiled.

Right, the colour suits her. Black is the colour that fat people wear, isn't it, because it looks slimming. Even with the white flowers on her dress, she knew that fashion fact. Black is slimming, of course it suits her. And to think, she almost thought she had lost some weight. "Oh, thanks."

Connie could tell something about her reaction had changed. He wondered if he'd said something wrong, but tried not to dwell on it. Such a pretty girl like her, he couldn't let her go that easily.

As he walked behind the beautiful brunette, he couldn't help but notice just how thin she was. He hadn't seen all those bones that evening they'd first met. She'd looked to be quite a healthy weight, if he was being honest, and it made her that much more beautiful. But today, he can't help but think she hasn't eaten in days; maybe even weeks. Was she really okay?

"Alright, they're just up here," Sasha mumbled, motioning Connie with her hand. He followed her up the small hill, and they turned down the first street, which was wide and adorned with small stores and stalls. It was so lively, Connie almost believed they were all setting up for a rave.

"Wow, these are your markets? Back in Ragako, our markets are two fruits stalls and a guy with a supposedly talking parrot," Connie jokes, though sincere in his awe at the activity spreading around them.

Sasha chuckles lightly. "Oh really? Well, this is a chance to get a good authentic taste of Dauper, in a figurative sense I guess."

 _Figurative_? Connie could see and smell the strong Dauperian spices and meats and vegetables, surrounding them and engaging their senses with carelessness. _Why did it have to be figurative, when it could be literal?_ Connie shrugged it off for a while, opting to stare at Sasha's soft hair.  
_Surely it was soft,_ he pondered. _It's thin, so it must be._ He'd always envied people who had hair; length and thickness didn't matter, hair was hair, and he loved it all. His mother was a hairdresser, and she always insisted on him growing his hair out. But when summer came around and he was sporting a rather thick and heavy afro, it was time to shave it off. Even still, whilst he didn't grow his hair out further than a number two, he loved admiring the hair of others. Sasha's seemed to be at the top of his list so far.

Sasha's stomach grumbled, and she dreaded Connie asking if she were hungry. _Of course he'd ask her,_ she thought, _she's Dauper's_ largest _attraction! When isn't she hungry?_

Sasha led Connie with her through the markets, picking stores with all kinds of goods that her father requested. From plant soil to paper towel and miscellaneous trinkets, they bought them all. It wasn't too often that Jerry let his daughter spend a lot of money, but after a few months of savings, he'd make sure she spent most of it on the things they both needed.

After they'd finished at the bakery, Sasha sent Connie off to buy the crockery, as the ones at the Braus household were wearing thin from use. He happily trotted off down the street, whilst Sasha held onto the remaining money with a firm grip. She bought a bottle of water from a refreshment stand for herself, and a can of Coke for Connie. Her stomach was angry, growing inside her like a vicious wild-dog. She tried to ignore it again, eyeing off the delicious looking custard bun in the cooler.  
_No_ , she told herself, _I'm not going to have that fatty thing sitting inside me for nothing. It won't do me any good, it'll only set back my final weight goal by another week. Water is fine, food isn't. I'm fat. I'm fat. I'm fat._

She and Connie met up at the bottom of the hill, both holding a large number of paper bags. Sasha held out Connie's Coke, and he took with a goofy grin, thanking her. Then he asked, "Do you wanna sit somewhere for lunch? I've got my own cash, I'll treat you." Connie's smile gleamed with opportunity. This is it, this could be like our first date. He squealed internally at the thought of having further dates with Sasha Braus.

"Uh-..." Sasha hesitated, but didn't notice how Connie's stomach dropped at her wavering voice. "I...- Yeah, sure. But, um. Okay. Where?"

Connie wasn't sure how to take her acceptance. _Why did she hesitate? Maybe she isn't interested in even being Connie's friend...? A girl as pretty as her, she's probably got an over-protective boyfriend somewhere who's watching their every step. He should be careful. He wouldn't want to ruin a relationship, even if he did wish it was him who got to hold her hand and pet her hair._ "Great! I was thinking the cafe we passed on the way up here, I'm sure they're got killer sandwiches."

And killer they were. Sasha bit her cheek when the waitress bought over two ham and cheese sandwiches. Once on the lips, forever on the hips. She didn't want to even look at it. She silently begged the waitress to come back and take it away from her. When she ate, she ate everything, so she tries not to eat anything at all. _How can Connie shovel that sandwich into his mouth without thinking of the consequences? Oh right, because he's not a freaking titanic-sized beast._

"Sash, you okay?" Connie asked, wiping the side of his mouth with a serviette. "You're looking at that food like it's grown a second head."

She swallowed nervously. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just- ah... I feel a bit ill, that's all."

He raises an eyebrow. "A touch of the sun, maybe? Drink some water, and maybe try to eat something, you'll feel batter." He gives her an unconvincing smile, but she takes a sip of water regardless.

Her gaze circles in on her untouched sandwich against, and she freezes. _Connie bought this for me,_ she thought. _I can't just not eat it. He used his own money to buy this for me. I'm sure I look ungrateful. A big, hefty whale like me, surely he's feeling like I've ripped him off._ She places a tentative fingertip on one slice, then lifts it with her thumb and forefinger, delicately.  
With one more nervous breath, she lifts it to her lips and takes a small bite, barely tearing off the corner. Her stomach growled and her head spun, slowly chewing the nail-sized slice of bread. She felt like a failure. But, she looked at her food in her hand again once she'd swallowed, and every ounce of self-control she had dissipated.

She took two more bites, revealing in the flavours that attacked her bland tastebuds. The last thing she'd tasted was her own bile; this was _pure_ _bliss_.

Once they'd both eaten their sandwiches, they left the cafe, with Sasha feeling more than unhappy about herself. _Only fat people give in, and look at what I've gone and done. I have to purge this fast, I can't have this digesting._

They just made it home, according to Sasha's internal stomach clock, before her food had digested. She didn't give either Connie or her father an excuse before she ran up to the bathroom and tore away at the back of her throat, hysteric to find her gag reflex. She squeezed at it, feeling her throat close and her stomach pump. Bile rose in her throat and she took her hand away, leaning over the bowl to welcome the sickening feeling of her own lunch making a reappearance.

She much preferred to see food in this form than whole. It reminded her of how disgusting she was, and how she deserved to have a burning throat for ever daring to look at the filth sold as food. Chefs and bakers disguise fat as food, and suckers like Connie get drawn in by their beauty.

Soon, even he will be fat. But he will never have as much willpower as Sasha. She will be thin, and she won't stop until the stares she gives to beautiful people are given to her.

She cleans the bathroom, taking time to regain her composure and brush her teeth. She'd been longer than usual, but at least she didn't have to see Connie until he next worked there. There is something about him that makes Sasha afraid. He's not a scary person, but the fact that he's payed so much attention to her, even going as far to ask her number, scares her. _How can someone like her gain the attention of someone like him? Whether it's romantic or purely platonic, it's just unfathomable..._

Giving herself a once over in the bathroom mirror, she runs her hands over her stomach, lifting her shirt about her breasts. She can see her rib cage.

Sasha unlocks the bathroom door, her mind turning at this revelation. Her thoughts hadn't caught up with her feet, before she ran right into Connie, neatly sending him flying down the stairs. "Oh! Connie, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you," She chuckles, taking his hands to help him back onto his feet. He looks nearly scared himself. "You okay?"

He'd heard everything. From vomit to the aloud self-loathing, he'd heard it. He walked up to see if she was okay after he and Jerry had finished putting everything away. He thought maybe, just maybe, he could ask for Sasha's number, and then he could text her first. _It showed he cared, didn't it?_  
But, all he heard was Sasha throwing up in the bathroom, verbally hating herself behind locked doors, thinking she wasn't as good as she was. Connie thought she was the sweetest, prettiest human being in the whole world, and she hated herself more than Connie hated sprouts.

"Sasha I-... I'm fine! Just a fall, it's nothin' major," He chuckles, scratching at the back of his head, trying to find the right words to say within his minimal vocabulary. "I- uh, just wanted to ask you... For your number? Is that okay? I know you've got mine but, I think you're really nice and p-pretty and I would like to text you sometime? Maybe we could see a movie or s-something..."

Sasha could almost hear the ambulance sirens in the distance as they drove to pick her up after having an aneurism. "W-What did you say?"

Connie swallows, wide-eyed. "Can I...ask for your number?"

Sasha nods hesitantly, as Connie eagerly pulls out his phone. Sasha types in her contact details into his phone, and Connie thanks her with a large grin. Before he leaves, saying he's due back home for dinner, he pulls her into a soft hug. Sasha could barely return it before he dashed off down the stairs, hearing his voice one last time that day as he said, "Bye Jerry, thanks for everything!"

 _Jerry_. _He'd called my father Jerry, and he didn't say anything smart-assed back_. Sasha stood wide-eyed at the top of the stairs, her hands nearly absentmindedly wrapping around herself, imitating Connie's hug. She swallowed hard, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. _His arms fit right around me... They- They wrapped right around me, and he didn't have to even make an effort. I wasn't even sucking my stomach in._

Her phone buzzed in her pocket not a minute later, and she nearly jumped at its awakening, snapping her from her thoughts.

 **From: Connie  
** 6:27pm  
thanks for your number! i had a really fun time today even though we were doing chores lol. we should see a movie sometime, im sure theres a good one out.  
from connie (just in case) :)

Sasha had to clasp a hand over her mouth to stop herself from audibly squealing. And then, another buzz.

 **From: Connie  
** 6:27pm  
x

Sasha's heart nearly stopped, and her head wouldn't stop spinning. When her father called her down for dinner, she didn't hesitate to bound down the stairs and take up a seat at the dinner table. Of course, she didn't eat all of her meal, she couldn't. But, she didn't give eating a single thought until much later in the night, when she was too worn out from exercising to even bother doing anything about it.  
She exercised out of habit, but that didn't even bring thoughts of fatness. She felt good when she exercised, like nothing in the world could stop her doing anything.

That night, when she was all said and done for, lying in her bed and facing the ceiling, she couldn't help but smile. She knew she would look like a nutter to anyone who could see her, but not even the thoughts oh higher beings stumped her smile.  
She grinned like a school-child and re-read Connie's text, one last time before switching off her bedside lamp.

If she'd dreamt that entire day, she didn't ever want to wake up.


	2. Chapter 2

For two weeks, Connie texted Sasha. It wasn't consistent, but he never backed down either, not wanting to leave her with the wrong impression. He wasn't invasive of her personal time, he just couldn't help himself; even just thinking about Sasha made his stomach flip in the best of ways.

She never texted him first, which he kind of expected but didn't exactly mind. Of course, he wasn't entirely sure if she liked him the way he liked her, but that didn't stop him from texting her. He'd often wonder _if she did have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, and maybe it was them stopping her from texting first?_ He almost had the guts to ask her, but he decided that asking her by text probably wasn't the best or nicest way to do it. Even he knew that too many people lied about their feelings behind a keyboard, so how was he to know exactly how she felt without seeing her expressions in person.

Eventually, he had enough guts to ask her if she wanted to hang out with him. When she didn't respond for an hour, he'd lost hope, cursing himself for pushing her too far and texting her too much. But, she answered him an hour later.

And she'd said yes.

They went to the park for ice cream a week later, and although Sasha only ordered a water, Connie didn't pay it too much mind. He wanted to ask her about what he'd heard after their cafe ' _date_ ,' but he didn't want to scare her off. He liked her, a lot. And even though he had so many questions he wanted to ask her, and things he wanted to say, he didn't. They hung out that day as friends, and that was that.

Connie texted her after the day had come to an end, telling her he had fun and that they should do it again sometime. But they didn't.

For seven weeks, Connie worried over what he'd heard in the bathroom on their first proper day together. His thoughts kept him from eating and exercising, and he knew his hair was staring to grow out - he didn't even shave, and that bothered him more than it bothered his own mom, who was always so cautious about how well-kept her children were. He didn't want to become invested in another person's life like he'd done countless times before but... He didn't ever imagine that Sasha would be someone with an eating disorder. But, he wasn't one to judge. He was one to fix.  
He'd been relying on cocaine for a while to stabilise his feelings, but when he saw what he was doing to his mother by being so spaced out or frenzied all the time, he fixed himself. It was a long road, one he never thought he would make, but he did it.

_Of course, she'd have to want to help herself, just as his therapist had told him. But surely he could help Sasha help herself, right?_

Several weeks had passed since their first 'official date,' which was really only a date in Connie's mind, but he still hadn't seen her. He'd look up out of the shop window to the house behind the butchers, trying to catch even a glimpse of her. Yet, nothing. He thought he'd get to see her during at least one of his shifts, yet for seven weeks, he didn't.

Instead, Sasha locked herself in her room for the most part, coming out only to use the bathroom and go to the store wit her father, if he was in dire need of help. She lied atop her bed, staring up at the ceiling with a sick feeling in her stomach, ten weeks to the day that she and Connie first went to the cafe. On that day, over ten weeks ago, she'd eaten a ham and cheese sandwich. And on that day, she could have sworn Connie was listening to her in the bathroom.  
If she ever showed her face to him again, she'd die of embarrassment. She'd spent several weeks looking at the ceiling, and finally came to the conclusion that she was embarrassed by her own self-hatred.

She'd been looking up her symptoms; disgusted with her body, unwillingness to eat, looking like I'm not loosing weight but I think I might be. For the most part, those symptoms all directed her to bulimia nervosa. She was tired, she was dissatisfied with her body image, she didn't sleep well and she nearly always felt faint; she was obsessed with her body, spending nearly an hour every day looking at herself and telling herself how disgusting she was, she was sensitive when people commented about food or anything that could be related to her weight.

She wasn't going to deny that everything the online doctors told her were true, because she couldn't. She had an eating disorder, and although she always knew her behaviour was probably bad for her health, she never thought it would have an actual medical diagnosis.

During those ten weeks, she didn't eat much. Not by choice, but simply because she couldn't stand to look at the food. It wasn't calling her or pushing her away, it just made her hate herself. It didn't want to make her fat, it just made her sick to look at.  
Even seven weeks ago, when she and Connie went to the park for ice cream, she ordered only water. She shook her head as she thought about it. _Surely he knows now. I'm sure he's seen how disgustingly thin I am, and my unwillingness to eat. I'm sure that by showing him that, and barely returning hides texts, I've pushed him away.  
The one guy I thought that I might actually like, I've pushed away. What a dose of karma..._

For nearly four years, Sasha had been controlling her weight by binging and purging, some days eating nothing at all. It became a habit, eating more than humanly possible and then purging, one that made her feel sicker than looking in the mirror. After nearly ending up in hospital with a inflamed oesophagus two years ago, she began to eat minimal and exercise more. It caused her less pain, but she never quite stopped binging and purging, on days where it felt like a chain linked her between the bathroom and the kitchen, pulling her one way and then the other without a choice.

Her father hadn't been up to her room since those earlier times, nearly three years ago, until two after she and Connie had lunch together. He'd seen what a mess her room was, coming up to offer her a few biscuits, a glass of water and some pain relief. He nearly cried.

He saw that her room was filled with uneaten food, wrappers, appetite suppressants and laxatives. Sasha could barely look him in the eyes as he turned to her for a straight answer. He wasn't angry, he was hurt, and that hurt Sasha more than anything she'd ever done to herself.  
Jerry and Sasha cleaned her room the next day, and since then, Sasha has felt a wave of relief come over her. But, she still didn't leave her room.

Sasha's phone rang from across the room, and she sighed, looking over at it glowing against the shadows of her closed-up bedroom. _Should she bother getting up? It's probably not important,_ she wondered. She sat up anyway and made her way over to it, seeing the caller ID displayed on her bright screen: **Connie Springer.**  
_What would he want? He's supposed to be working... Should I answer it? What if he tells me he never wants to speak to me again? I have been avoiding him but I don't think I could stand to see him go..._

She answers, just before the tone cuts out. "Hello?" She asked, trying to ignore the way her stomach knotted as she made her way back to sit in her bed.

'Sash... It's nice to hear your voice,' Connie sighed, clearly on break. She could hear her dad chatting to a customer about him in the background.

"I- Thank you... Yours too."

She wasn't lying, it was nice to hear his voice. She only wished she were feeling good enough to actually appreciate it for all it was worth.

'How are you? Haven't seen you around for a while. Everythin' okay?"

Sasha's nerves replaced themselves with a bubbly feeling she'd only ever had once before. Just as the song says, it starts in your toes. "Yeah, everything's okay. I'm just having some chill out time...-"

Connie chuckled, but it wasn't entirely convincing. 'Chill out time? For seven weeks? Sasha... I really have to ask. Do you not like me?'

Sasha starts to shake her head, her eyes widening. "Connie, of course I like you! I-"

'Really? Because... I'm not sure how you're really feeling right now, but I'd like to. Sash I-... I really miss hanging out with you. I know we've only been out, like, once and a half but, those once and a halves were probably the best ways I've ever spent my time,' He sighed in frustration. 'I'm not making any sense, am I?'

Sasha could've sworn she had tears in her eyes. "No Connie... You're making perfect sense."

'Would'ya... Would you come down and see me? Just once? I'm on my lu- I'm on my break so...- You don't have to, of course! I mean, I'm just happy to hear your voice but-'

"Connie," Sasha cut in, smiling to herself. "I'll come down."

Connie sucked in a breath. 'You will? As in, now?'

Sasha nodded to herself. "I will, but I'm warning you, I look a mess."

Connie eagerly hung up after thanking her, but she wasn't so sure she knew why he was thanking her. She took in her horrid appearance in the mirror, but couldn't help but stare at the revelation she'd only just come across. She did look hideous, but it wasn't because she was fat. She was _too thin._  
She was only just beginning to see it, what she'd become whilst she thought she wasn't becoming anything; a thin, frail, fragile looking girl with a thigh gap to fit a brick and cheek bones sharp enough to carve the meet down in the shop. _How hadn't she noticed it before? Why hadn't anyone said anything?_ Of course, she wouldn't have believed them, but it would have made the realisation process a lot easier to handle.

She plodded down the stairs, catching a glimpse of Connie's short hair through the window of the shop. She couldn't help but smile, knowing that she was about to see the person she considered her best friend, even though they had barely hung out.

She did know a lot about him though, as he did of her, from their texting. Connie's favourite food was sweet potato mash; Connie's favourite colour was green; Connie's favourite animals were monkeys and lizards, but he couldn't decide because they both held a special place in his heart; and Connie's favourite superhero was Aquaman, but he told people it was The Flash so he didn't seem like a complete loser.  
He was funny, too. Almost _too_ funny, but he had never failed to make Sasha laugh, which is probably why she was about excited to see him and he was to see her.

When she entered the shop, in her pyjamas, it showed just how long they'd gone without seeing each other. Connie's hair wasn't as short as she'd thought, and he had grown a thin layer of stubble. He was looking thinner, too, his face nearly as sunken as Sasha's.

"Connie..." She whispered, taking in his disheveled appearance.

"Sasha!" He cheered, taking two large steps towards her to engulf her in a hug. It was a tight hug, and she thought for a moment that maybe she was large enough to squeeze like this, but catching sight of her arms as she returned Connie's hug quickly put her mind back on track. "I missed you, you know."

They both stopped hugging as Jerry came around the corner, looking honestly surprised to see Sasha out of bed. "Sash, you're up! I'm glad to see you've come down," He smiled, scratching at his shoulder.

"Yeah... I, uh- Just came down to say 'hi' to Connie, and to see if you needed anything," She smiled, quickly glancing at Connie. They both knew that meant that they would both have to go out, because Connie got given the lists.

"Oh- Actually, I don't today. But, I'm closing shop early today. Ya see I've... I've uh, got a date tonight with-"

"Woah, woah, woah a date?" Sasha exclaimed, her mouth caught between gaping and smiling.

"No, no, not a real date. Mr Carolina invited me out to play cards tonight. Mina's at a party, so you can't come I'm afraid, but if you two are wanting to hang out you can."

Something ignited in Sasha in that moment, something that made her want to shout from a rooftop how much she loves Mr Carolina and the choices he makes on the right days. From practically forcing Connie into Sasha at the fair to this, Sasha thought that Mr Carolina seemed to have a higher being on his side.

"Yeah, that'd be awesome Pa! D'ya mind if Connie stays for a while? I've got a heap of movies I'd like to watch with him. He's a real card ya know!"

She didn't think before she spoke, she simply let her mind and mouth run their course. Connie didn't complain, either. In fact, Sasha thought he might spontaneously combust on the spot, staring at Sasha in disbelief. And then at Jerry for saying yes. Then again at an empty space in front of him when his mother agreed to let him stay for a few hours, after speaking to Sasha first.

Why on Earth were things going right for him? He couldn't help but grin wider as Sasha let him into the house after saying goodbye to her father, who looked about as excited as Connie as he drove off down the road. He'd never been invited to one of Mr Carolina's card functions before, so he had reason to be smiling.

Connie took a seat on the Braus' tattered couch. "So, what movies are we-"

"I was thinking about making some lunch first, or ordering it," Sasha said, leaning against the kitchen counter. She hated herself for saying those words. She didn't want to eat. Knowing that she was going to eat made her insides tremble, because she knew just how much she would eat if she tried.  
Knowing she was too thin didn't stop her from not wanting to eat, it just made her feel even worse about herself. _If she didn't know when she was thin, how would she know if she got fat? She needed to put on weight, but that thought only scared her more. What if, just as she'd lost too much weight, she put on too much? It'd just be a vicious cycle of never being quite good enough for herself._

"Yeah, that sounds great," Connie said, though he looked confused as he spoke. _Maybe she just really wasn't feeling well that day, and is just naturally, unhealthily skinny?_ Connie pondered, as Sasha dialled the number for Dominoes.  
_No, that wasn't true, she was sick. She'd brought a toothbrush- He mentally slapped himself for not realising it sooner. She'd brought a toothbrush with her to a fair for crying out loud! How stupid am I really?_

After she'd hung up, Sasha made her way around the kitchen bench to sit with Connie on the couch, just as he'd sat down. She wanted to laugh at Connie's priceless face, looking down at the coffee table, but when she followed his line of vision, she wanted nothing more than to cry.

The two of them were staying down at a pamphlet, obviously bought by Sasha's father; _A Guide To Helping Your Child With Bulimia - you **can** make a difference!_

Sasha's breath faltered, and Connie sighed deeply. They both turned to face each other, and Sasha was met with that dreadful look of pity she'd feared all her life. But from Connie, it was so much more than a look. "Connie, I-..." Sasha couldn't keep herself composed, as her fear took over her being. She was glad she was sitting, because she probably would have doubled over with a wave of oncoming hysteria.

Connie shook his head, reaching forward to put his arms around her. "Sasha, shh, please don't cry... It's okay! It'll be okay, okay?" He whispered, trying to calm her down. He hadn't prepared himself for when they would have this conversation, if they ever did. He wanted to help her help herself, but he hadn't thought about how he would do that, let alone how she would react.

"I'm so sorry!" She sobbed, shaking in Connie's arms. She didn't hide the fact that she was in pain now. When you're at war with yourself, you can only ever loose. But she was tired of loosing, even if it meant sacrificing everyone she'd worked and starved hard to gain.

Connie held her close that afternoon, gently petting her hair rubbing her back. She shook with guilt and anger and sadness, and she couldn't stop herself. Tears and mucus covered the Connie's shoulder, but he didn't seem to mind. Instead, he tried to comfort her the best way he knew how; hold her and say nothing.  
His mother had done that with him when he had withdrawals from cocaine, and he knew that it worked best. His mother never said anything so he didn't feel any guilt for having her hold him through it. She'd only ever held him close, and that was all he needed, for the most part.

So, he'd held her tight to his chest, rubbing circles on her back and petting her hair with an immense amount of care. Holding her like this, he thought she might break. But she didn't, she simply shook and sobbed into him, letting him hold her without saying a word.

It took a half hour, but Sasha had finally calmed down, just in time for the pizza to arrive. Connie had payed, and when he sat it down on the coffee table, he told her she didn't have to force herself to eat it.  
"Sash, I'm not gonna force you to eat it, okay? I payed, so I don't mind," He'd said, one hand resting on her boney knee.

She shrugged lightly, muscles sore from her hysteria. "I-... I want to try to eat it. Even if it's one piece, I have to try," She'd started, placing a few strands of hair behind her ear. "I know... I know what I'm dealing with now, and I want to stop but-... It's hard, you know?"

Connie crossed his legs on the couch, imitating Sasha, but giving her enough attention for her to continue. "I didn't know I had this... I knew it wasn't right, the way I was thinking I just- I didn't know exactly why it wasn't. I know now though, and I want to okay again," She'd sniffed, wiping her nose with her pyjama top.

She smiled lightly. "I loved food when I was little. My mom made the best food. I've always been stockier but... After looking back on a few photos, I was never that fat. I loved her cooking, and I loved her food. I wanted nothing more than to be a chef when I was younger, but then I-... I don't know..."

"After she died, I ate everything. I comforted myself with food for so long and then one day I just stopped. I'd looked in the mirror, and all I saw was fat. It wasn't muscle, or organs beneath skin; it was fat," Sasha took a shaky breath. "That was over four years ago, the first time I saw fat. Since then..."  
Sasha's breath started to hitch, but Connie placed both hands on her knees before she started to cry again. He knew firsthand that too many attacks of hysteria could lead to hyperventilation, and he didn't want to have to see Sasha like that.

"Sasha... I don't understand what you've been going through, but I understand that it took you a lot to realise you had a problem." Sasha looked up at Connie, staring intently into his light eyes. "I'm really happy you could admit that much. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing you feel just a little better having that off your chest."

Sasha nodded lightly, her eyes not leaving his. "You don't have to tell me everything, okay? If you ever want to, then I'm all ears. I could listen to you talk forever," He smiled, shying away from her eyes for a few moments, before looking up at her again. "I like you a lot and... I don't want you suffering behind closed doors. If you ever feel lonely or scared or sad, please call me or text. It doesn't matter what time it is, or even if we're seas apart from each other, I'll be there. I promise-"

"Oh Connie, don't make promises you can't keep. You and I both know that sometimes you can't stick to your word because of circumsta-"

"I'm serious! I would rather be fired from work and lose my house than have you sitting alone crying to yourself. I would give up one hundred job interviews to see you smile," Connie said, leaning closer toward Sasha. "I mean that, with all of my heart."

Connie wanted to kiss Sasha. Right then and there, he wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go. He wanted to hold her longer and make her feel loved. He didn't mean sex, he just wanted her company. He did want to kiss her though, badly. But he knew it would be selfish of him to take advantage of her, in the state she was in.  
Instead, he took her hands in his and leaned just that bit closer, to let her know he was completely serious.

Sasha averted her gaze, feeling her cheeks flush. "I could be a serial killer you know. You've darn near pledged allegiance to me, and I could have a basement full of bodies."

"If that's the case, when do you want me 'round to help bury them?" He'd asked with a cheeky grin.

Sasha couldn't help but laugh, her hands gripping back onto Connie's ever so slightly. "I don't think I want you to leave..."

Connie eyes shined at those words. "I won't then," He'd said. "I'll stay the night. Mom won't mind. U-Unless that makes you uncomfortable, then I won't!"

Sasha shook her head. "I'd love for you to stay."

True to her word, Sasha ate a slice and a half of pizza that day. Connie's mom agreed to let him stay the night too, so they took their movie watching up to Sasha's room, and watched movies on putlocker on her laptop.  
They sat next to each other, fairly close, but neither had enough stomach to lean against the other. They'd already held hands and hugged, so for Connie, he'd achieved a lot today. For Sasha, she simply enjoyed sitting next to someone who was so un-judgemental she nearly through she'd dreamy him up.

Connie had accepted her for who she was, and didn't seem to take her problems as something that he couldn't handle. With everything he'd said to her that day, she wondered if he really did care about her the way she was starting to care about him.

After that day, Sasha and Connie spent a lot more time together. The two often took Connie's breaks as a chance to sit down and have some lunch, and within three weeks, Sasha began to bring lunch down for herself. She usually only took a few bites, with some convincing and cheering from Connie, but it was enough.

With some coaxing from both Connie and her father, Sasha went to her first therapy session a week later. She'd seen a woman who she thought was ridiculous, at first, ruining Connie straight afterwards to complain about her to him. He'd told her she needed to give the lady more than one go - after all, she was recommended by Connie for a reason; she'd helped him though his own addiction, and even he knew that there was no real difference between drug addition and eating disorders. In the end, they both came down to the same conclusion, if not treated.

After four sessions, Sasha noticed something about herself she hadn't even thought before. She was pretty. Sasha want conceited in any way at all, but following her therapists advice, she took the time out of her day to look at herself and find what she liked. She'd spend hours a day telling herself what she hated, whether she was too fat or too thin, but never once did she compliment herself. How would my conscience feel, knowing that I hate myself so much? She'd thought, poking at her ribs.  
_What_ did _she like about herself?_ Her eyes were a plain, dull brown - they were nothing special. Her hair was too thing but... It was soft. Super soft. And she supposed she didn't hate her boobs as much as she thought she did. She's been stared at before because of them... Is that a good thing?

She'd come to the conclusion that she wasn't ugly. _She wasn't the prettiest girl in the world, but she wasn't half bad. Did that could as a compliment_? She wondered. _I'm not talking myself down._

When she stepped on the scales in December of 2014, she'd put on fifteen kilograms. Finally, she was a healthy weight. Her doctor had set her that goal, and her therapist helped her achieve it without spiralling back into a dark place.  
At first, she couldn't handle it. But when Connie told her she looked beautiful the day he had dinner at their house for the first time, she couldn't possibly stay disappointed.

Things didn't look up for too long, however.  
After dinner that evening, Connie and Sasha went up to Sasha's room to put on a movie, before Connie went home. He'd been fidgeting all evening, so Sasha couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Are you okay?" She'd asked, placing her hand atop his.

Sasha had been hesitant at first, but she leant against him after a few minutes, resting her head on his shoulder. Connie had frozen for a few seconds, but worked up enough stomach to put his arm around her, pulling her in close. He then took a deep breath, and she knew that clearly something was up. "Sasha... These past five months have been the greatest of my life, did you know that?"

She shook her head, dreading from the tone of his voice the news she was about to hear. He swallowed. "I got offered a job in Trost... And I'm taking it. My parents can't afford to stay in the house their in without me having a job, but they've been there their entire lives I can't- I can't have them moving out like this..."

Sasha's breath nearly stopped. "I promised you the world, and now I'm taking it all away before we can even... Sasha, I really do care about you. I didn't want to ever have to do this to you. But I can still be there for you, not in physical form but I will always-"

"You work for Pa, how is it you need a job so far away?" Sasha's voice was breaking, but she didn't try to hide it.

"I was working for him for free, just so I could see you..."

"What?"

Connie looked at her with large eyes, looking conflicted for a few moments, before placing a hand on her face and leaning in. He pressed his lips to hers with a soft motion, barely touching them, until Sasha kissed back.  
They'd both wanted to kiss one another for a while, but it had never been a good time. Was this the best time? Neither of them were sure, but they didn't exactly care.

Sasha pulled away first, resting her hand on his chest lightly. "I know we can figure something out. You promised to be there for me, and I said I didn't want you to leave..."

"I know Sasha, I don't want to leave you-"

"Then don't," Sasha started. "I'll come with you."

Connie's heart flipped. "What?"

"I'll come with you. I'm eighteen, I'm legally allowed to leave home now. If you don't want me to come with you, I understand, but-"

Connie sprung up into his knees, clasping Sasha's hands in his. "I would love for you to come with me! Sasha! Sasha, this is great! I-"

Sasha grinned like a Cheshire Cat. "There's an apartment there my Pa and I were going to buy back a few years now, if it's still there, it would be perfect!"

Jerry chuckled from downstairs, hearing Sasha and Connie jumping around in her room. He couldn't help but smile at how much Sasha had grown, closing his eyes to reminisce on the times she'd been young and dreamed big. He hadn't heard her talk like this since before she'd reached double digits.  
He took a deep breath, looking up towards the ceiling and whispering, "Would you look at that, our little girls finally grown up."

 

* * *

Trost. August 17th, 2015

Sasha Braus, 21 Years Old.  
___

Connie knew he had work that day, but opted in sleeping in. _Ymir can cover for me for a few more hours, it's not like she's got anything better to do_ , he thought. Eventually, he got dressed and headed down the corridor, after hearing the clanking of cutlery and porcelain bowls.

Connie was dumbfounded when he came down into the kitchen to see Sasha, sitting with a bowl of oatmeal in front of her. She was pouring milk into the bowl, stopping halfway when she noticed Connie. He was probably gawking like an idiot, but he couldn't help it. 

Yesterday, she weighed herself, and she was 121lbs. If her past self saw that, she'd probably not eat for a week and end up in hospital again. But here she is; eating. She's eating. _She was happy with her weight._

Sasha looked away sheepishly, before putting the lid on the milk and setting it aside. "I feel like breakfast today, I guess," She muttered, shrugging at his gawking expression. Connie cried.

Those seven words, uttered shyly from the mouth of a girl who dared not eat anything before seven a.m, and barely anything after that, brought him to tears. Sasha gave him a questioning look as he stood there, gawking at her with tears streaming carefully down his cheeks. Sasha lifted an eyebrow, before eyeing her food once again. "Does this... Disgust you?" She asked cautiously, motioning to her breakfast, barely touching the spoon with the tip of her forefinger, preparing to drop it.

Connie shook his head vigorously. "No...- Besides when we first moved in here I... I've never been more happy in my life," He smiled, taking careful steps over to the brunette, who then picked up her spoon.

"Really?" She asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. Why would he be happy to see her eating? It's not like he's never seen anyone eat before, let alone her. Unless he's got some fetish for fat chicks- _No_. She's not like that. She's not fat. She hasn't been fat since sixth grade, when she actually was fat. 

Shes not fat. She's not fat. She's not fat. Connie would love her no matter what, and he would tell her the truth. Connie is happy, and she is happy. 

Connie nodded, wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind. "Really, I'm so happy, Sash."

On that day, at 6:15am, Connie and Sasha ate their first official meal together - the first meal of many, many more to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a cheesy ending mozzarella is jealous.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! x


End file.
